Feels Good, Man.

So, looks like someone's gonna be a stay at home dad soon. Well, sort of.

Things have been on an upswing lately. UPS has de-stressed a bit, though it's still completely frustrating. Royal, well, it's Royal. My baby (the single craft beers, of which the crafty-est was previously dead guy, or maybe one or two avery beers) has taken on a manifest destinyesque personality. Kickin Hieneken to the curb, hatin on Stella. I've taken over an entire cooler door (which is 50% of our cold singles selection) with beers from Colorado, Oregon, Belgium, Spain, Russia, Germany (brown glass only, pls), New York and California. Feels good to see something you've fostered as your own flourish and take off. I also made room for a bout 30-40 more singles on the shelves. Not bad.

I'm starting to work out and eat better. I let myself slip, hard, over the winter and last fall, and now when I look at myself I'm pretty disgusted. I was SO close to having what I want, and pissed it away with shitty food, too much good beer, and no exercise. Look out. I'mma make all the ladies want to fuck me [/self delusion]. Point is, I'm looking for change. I'm tired of sitting around. I'm tired of never doing anything. I'm tired of looking and feeling like utter trash. So, if you have a vagina, look out, because in the coming months, things are gonna get slick. (really?)

Fran's babyshower was yesterday. Pretty good stuff. Still need to get that shower present over to the Fitzner abode, but I think they will understand.

This week is going to be gorgeous. Wed. is supposed to be 85 and sunny, albeit windy. Who wants to get down on some outsidey stuff? Oh wait, there are MAYBE two people who read this. Offer still stands, though.

Beer of the post: Avery 16th anniversary saison. Jasimine, Honey, Summer.

Apparently I Burn the Bridges I'm Standing On.

So for the past couple of months, I've had a recurring dream. Maybe dream isn't the right word- more like the most vivid and terrifying nightmare ever. See, it starts out kind of awesome, with me buying this super fast boat. Like, 6400 miles in 24 hours boat. I own it for one day, and realize that it's totally fucking up my life. So, I sell it back, but it's too late. The bad shit that came with the boat apparently has no return policy. This bad energy er whatever takes the form of a noxious black cloud. Not sentient like the smoke monster or anything, but it deffinitely follows me around, making me do terrible things. Things that I absolutely do not want to do or see or think about. So I jump in the water to escape the cloud, which works. All the fish (sharks in particular) are saying "thank you" in childlike voices, swimming around me, being awesome. So I stay underwater, in this lush, gorgeous world, but one problem, I'm drowning. Like, hard. But I stay under because of the fucking cloud. Eventually, I have to come up for air, and in doing so, breathe the noxious cloud in REALLY deeply, and the process starts all over again. Unfortunately, while this is happening, and it is SO vivid, I know that it's something I can change. I know that I CAN wake up, but I can't, in reality. I'm trapped in this cycle of killing myself to be good, or dying inside to live. Eventually, I wake up, breathing like I'm drowning (or get woken up) and covered in sweat. Then sleeping is impossible.

Today was the first time I've slept without that dream. Sounds great, right? Well, kind of.

Today's dream was also pretty vivid, and oddly enough, involved swimming, also, but in a much less apparently sinister context. Also, it's a comedy of errors, and stars a few people from my life (something missing from the nightmare)

I'm not certain how I get there, but I'm swimming accross the Hudson Bay. Yep, that Hudson Bay. And it's FILLED with mines. The really spikey, scary, blow a ship out of the water kind. And it's really really hard to navigate because, well, it's the fucking hudson bay. So I get across, have to go back, and when I get back I'm at work. It's a non descript, UPS hybrid work, and of course, somehow I've started a fire. Not a big one, just enough to get some attention. So I look for a fire extinguisher, which is suspiciously hard to find, and of course, every single one is out. Finally, I get the fire out, and Matt (of royal fame) and Erin (of Erin fame) show up. More fucked up non descript problems, and I'm back in the bay. Navigating. This goes on for what seems eternity, and finally I'm out again. It gets pretty fuzzy from here on out, but trust me, it's a comedy of errors. I think it involves a couple more fires, in appropriate conversations, and me ending up in this place called "Node Land", which the only way I can liken it to anything is to say it's like "the matrix" for emotions. They even have one that simulates your emotions durring the apocolypse. Needless to say I end up in the "SMILE" node, and it really is bliss. However, the woman I meet there leaves. I chose not to. There's a tearful goodbye, promises to return that I know are false, and ends up with me in the "distress" node.

Then I awake. Sad as fuck.