Hey look, a post not entirely about beers.

So, the past month and half have been......... interesting.

Did the whole "oktoberfest drink all the beers in the world that don't taste exclusively like hops/brett/candy/fruit" thing, and here's what I've gleaned, in the quick and dirty:

1. Most breweries don't make a good Oktoberfest 6 pack.

2. Of those that do, they are in extremely limited supply (Left Hand, I'm looking at you)

3. There are 3 Pumpkin beers worth drinking. The rest taste like artificial flavors in Michelob Ultra.

Thankfully, there have been a few beers that have gotten me through.

Bell's 25th Anniversary Ale. It's just a fucking good beer. No special ingredients, wild yeast, huge stats. Just a super solid ale, A La Phin and Matt's. Nice ballance, good mouthfeel, strong, but not overwhelming flavors and aromas. It's been almost a month since I've had one, so tasting notes are going to be iffy at best.

Founder's Nemesis. Supposedly a barleywine. deffinitely strong enough, but it's all licorice and hops. One bottle tasted suspect, almost soapy, but the rest were solid. Rach pounded 2 in one night before realizing that they were no chump. Lulz ensued. Lots of dark flavors, definitely off the beaten path for a BW.

Aecht Smoked Marzen. Part of the Oktoberfest taste-a-thon. Like drinking an entire fall BBQ, smoker and all (in a good way). Seriously. It tastes like smoked meats.

Other than that, nothing of note as far as beer goes. Been taking it easy as the job search continiues, schedules tighten, and frankly, I don't have the energy to do any involved tasting. However, with Christmas beers around the corner (or should I say, in front of our faces- St Bernardus and Bridgeport already have offerings on the shelf, and Affligem is shortly behind them), I should probably get ready for another round of seasonal disapointment. I know that I have a few solid offerings to look forward to: Schlafly x-mas, Bell's x mas, Delirium Noel, etc. Oh, and Boulevard BBQ. I still have a 2009 bottle, which ought to be delicious. Had a 2006 test run bottle. A little oxidized, but I don't think it had been kept in the best conditions. Sour Quad is a VERY intersting beer. Possibly something worth exploring.

Other than that, there's more dark/roasty stuff to look forward to. Boulevard Dark Truth is coming out in 4 packs. Great Divide just put out a Smoked Baltic Porter (yum, hopefully). Southern Tier probably has something delicious from their Black Water series (if you missed Creme Brule this year, you really really missed out). KBS is essentialy around the corner, and rumor has it that Flying Saucer has a keg of Founder's Canadian Breakfast. Imma need some of that, plz.



OK. Done with beer.

The yob search has been frustrating. It seems that as soon as a decent job is posted somewhere, it gets filled. I mean, shit's brutal out there. Since August, I've missed out on AT LEAST 6 jobs of 45k plus benefits by less than 12 hours. I woke up at 4:30 am to take a fucking CDL test, passed with flying colors, only to learn, as I was pulling out of the DMV lot, that the 25 dollar an hour union position had been filled. FML.

However- one semi bright spot. While casually glazing over the myriad sales/retail/bullshit positions on one of many classified sites, I stumble across a "Tech Consultant" position with Sprint. So, I'm all like "Fuck it, might as well". Lo and Behold, I get a call for and interview. Of course, however, they want me to come in the day AFTER my day off, in the middle of the day. So, I make up a story and basically peace out of work, and go crush the 'view. One problem. It's north of North Kansas City. I mean, I already drive way too far for work, but come on. Crossing rivers and shit?

Whatever. I'll take it. Free phones galore. Less drama. No "hey help me out with my sexual harassment lawsuit" bullshit. Less drunks. 5 days a week. Mo Money. Room to Advance. All i have to do is be able to learn how to fix cell phones, and be told what a terrible person I am, constantly by customers. So, a general improvement from my current job.

One thing, though. I may have told my interviewers (who happen to be the person I'd be working directly with and the person I'd be working directly under) that I am going back to school for a computer programing degree.

I am?

I guess so. Plans are made to go back to school (again), start a new major (again), and learn how to program things. I found a program for programing games at JCCC (which happens to include courses on creating artificial intelligence- can you say "SKYNET"?) that looks promising. So, I guess I'm going to do that now. I mean, it seems pretty sweet, but it's just sort of out of left field.




I spent 13 hours today away from home, on work related business. All I want is to end humanity. And smoke all the weed that this tiny blue planet has to offer while doing so. Is that too much to ask?

That or I seriously need a back rub.

Octobermess(t)

Now that August is officially over, I don't feel so bad about posting about fall seasonal beers. Not that there's much difference between August 31 and September 1, but it just seems wrong to talk about big malt character and spice profile when it's 100 degrees outside.

Well, today it dropped solidly into the low 70's and I saw a tree just starting to turn, and we got a gentle, cool rain, so I decided that I can't wait anymore.

I'm going to try something new with this post, as well. It's going to be multimedia. I know, stepping into the 20th century with a vengance.

Without further ado, FALL.

Before I start, a note: When people think of lagers, they think Bud Light, High Life, etc. While these are fantastic for keeping yourself hydrated when the zombie holocaust happens, they are not the same thing as a Marzen Lager (or Octoberfest). Lagering is an art that, when applied correctly, is amazing. But unfortunately it has been abused over the past 80 years to create the American industrial lager. This is not the same as a big, flavorful lager used as celebratory device.

Let's start with pumpkin ales. Ranging from tart and stringy (ahem, shipyard, I'm looking in your direction) to tasting like you're drinking a piece of pumpkin pie, these ales took a long time to win me over. I'm going to skip over the mediocre to the champs, because if there is one style that is BAD when it's bad, it's pumpkin ales.

First up, Schlafly Pumpkin Ale (special release, about 9-10 bucks for a 6 pack)
This is a perennial favorite of mine. Nice, spicy aroma, small, quick dissipating head, and a nice, balanced pumpkin flavor. Not too much of the heavy texture associated with pumpkin beer, but deffinite body that you will notice after you get through 2 or 3. Cinnimon, nutmeg and allspice are all there, along with a nice, but somewhat delicate malt background. This malt lends a sweetness to balance the spice. Not a really noticeable hop profile, just enough to keep the pumpkin and malt in line. Overall, one of my favorite session pumpkin beers. Worth picking up a 6er or 2 throughout the fall.

Second, Buffalo Bill's Pumpkin Ale.

I was worried about this one, since Buffalo Bill's was recently acquired by Pyramid Brewing. Now, I don't hate Pyramid, but I find a lot of their brews, well, just kind of "meh".


This was one of the biggest disappointments of the year. The pre-buyout BBPA was creamy, flavorful, spicy, and actually had CHARACTER. This year, though, there was a huge let down in quality. It tastes like a half hearted attempt to recreate a great beer.

Very minimal pumpkin flavor, zero texture (I'm talking bud light texture), zero spice, and as my wife put it "It tastes like there's high fructose corn syrup in it". No head, and as you may be able to see, it almost looks like Pyramid used food coloring.

If I didn't get this stuff for nothing, I'd probably not drink it. It's sad that such a promising and unique brewery has succumbed to Pyramid's perennial "meh". I dumped this one out.

Ok, shake it off. We're (hopefully) headed to greener pastures.

New Holland Ichabod.
Now, I generally have very little to say about New Holland. Their few brilliant beers shine through (Mad Hatter, El Mole Ocho...) but the majority of their beers leave little impression, good or bad. Still, better than Pyramid by leaps and bounds.

This one is a little bit of an odd duck. I mean, there's plenty of pumpkin, noticeable but not prominent spice, a little bit of nutmeg and allspice, but the thing that makes this one unique is the hop character. Unlike the two beers I've already discussed, this one has just enough hop to poke through. More than a little bit of balance the beer, but not as much as, say, a pale ale.

Overall, it fits the style well. Great texture, a nice, well retained head, great dark amber color, and overall, a very interesting beer. Get it in a build your own 6 pack.

Alright. That's about enough of the novelty. Other great Pumpkin beers, ones that I'm not tasting at the moment, but have had this year and enjoyed immensely are Southern Tier Pumking (if I could give a beer 6 out of 5 stars, this would be one of them), and O'fallon Pumpkin Beer (tastes like drinking a slice of pumpkin pie)

Now, another fall style that is a little less common is the harvest ale. Usually a golden ale, lots of malt, but unlike octoberfest beers, is fairly heavily hopped.

Two FANTASTIC examples, which just so happen to be widely availible, are Southern Tier Harvest, and New Belgium Hoptober.

First, Hoptober.


I first tried this last fall. I was thoroughly impressed. After drinking it again, I'm even more impressed with New Belgium's rock solid consistency. I mean, these guys are awesome at reproducing seasonals year after year, unlike a lot of breweries who can wildly change from year to year (this is sometimes a great thing in beers like barleywines and stouts, but is a double edged sword when it comes to styles that don't lend to building verticals).

As you can see, this guy is golden. And it lives up to it's name. It drinks like a mild pale ale, with a nice malt character that is light and refreshing, yet hearty and filling at the same time. Basically, this is the consumate September beer. Perfect for a mild night, works on a sunny, somewhat warm afternoon, has a complex character, yet is approachable enough for folks who don't get too adventurous enough for some of the more out there fall styles (Avery's Kaiser comes to mind). I suggest going through a six pack on a nice Friday night on the porch.


Next, Southern Tier Harvest Ale.

Along the same lines as Hoptober, Southern Tier has opted out of the Octoberfest party (or should I say fest?) for something that is more of an American style.

However, Southern Tier chooses a heartier malt bill to create a more complex background for the hops to play against. Not as hoppy, but still delicious and, well, tastes like fall. Very sessionable, great for a brisk day or chilly night. Nice head and lacing, hearty texture, and lots of delicious malt.


Ok, to this point, this post has been like a show where Neil Diamond opens for Rush, and Rush opens for Zeppelin. I mean, the first act is good, but most definitely a novelty, the second act is absolutely amazing, but the closing act is what you actually came for, and is damn near orgasmic, even at the worst (even Presence has Achilles Last Stand).

Octoberfest (or Oktoberfest)

My personal favorite style. Big malt bills, almost always sessionable, and, well, simply delicious.

I was torn about weather to start with old favorites, or go with something new.

Turns out, old favs win.

And as favorites go, Ayinger Octoberfest pretty much tops the list. I mean, this stuff is pretty much perfect. Seriously, if I had to pick ONE beer each fall, THIS would be it. Thank god it's a year round beer (score).

Malt, malt, and extra malt.

Sweet, smoky, delicious malt. If there is ONE style that Ayinger does right (which, they do a lot right), it's octoberfest. If you are a fan of the delicious, hearty fest beers, GET THIS BEER AND PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTH. I mean, perfect hop balance paired with a complex and exciting malt character equals the ideal fall beer. I don't know how to put it any more clearly:

You need to drink this.

Unlike it's other German peers, Ayinger puts their beer in brown glass, which bottle their beers in green glass, allowing harmful blue light in to degrade the hop acids and give it that "skunky" flavor associate with a lot of European beers (think Becks, Stella, Einbecker, Spaten, etc). This means that you don't have to choke down beer that tastes like urine and get to actually enjoy the beer as the brewer intended.

Next, the hometown champ.


Boulevard Brewing Company's Bob's 47.Now, I've got a little bit of a bone to pick with the guys down at 2501 Southwest Boulevard. For the past 3 years I've felt that Bob's has gone down hill. However, this year, Bob's has made a huge leap forward. Boulevard has, in my experience, strived for continual improvement, and this is evidence of that. A heartier malt bill, appropriate hops, and, it seems responding to the folks that enjoy their beers have led to a return to the quality of beer that made Bob's a local (and regional) favorite. I mean, before this beer was even released, there were 20 cases sold at my store.

While no Ayinger, this is beer definitely holds true to the German Octoberfest style. Serious malt, balanced European hops, very sessionable texture means that this is a beer that you should enjoy on a night out. Lots of local places have it at least in bottles, many on tap (especially enjoyable). Get it while you can, because it goes FAST and is an allotted beer, which means that without a second bottling run, it will be gone before October actually gets here.

Next, another German contender.

Hoffbrau (photo not available, don't ask why) has been hit or miss for me. Their single bottles are great, especially the Hefeweiss. Their 6 packs, however, leave a little bit to be desired. Biggest reason for this is something I discussed earlier: Green glass. A Hefe that is great in brown glass gets ruined in green glass. Another example is Franziskaner.

Oddly enough, up till the Oktoberfest (at least as distributed in Missouri), Hoffbrau has used blonde haired, blue eyed ladies that kind of look like dudes on their 6 packs (the pinnacle of which would be the Maibock, where all you see is a twirling skirt and legs that look like a high school cross country runner about to win the boys 3A title), but the woman on the Octoberfest is actually pretty. Not that it has ANYTHING to do with the beer itself, but hey, can't hurt.

What I got when I first tried Hoffbrau Octoberfest was a surprise. Yes, the green glass lent a little skunkiness, but it wasn't overpowering. In fact, after a few sips, it wasn't really noticeable. Lighter than most other Octoberfests, this one still manages a decent malt flavor, a little more EU hop flavor than a lot of it's American counterparts, and a medium body that lends to drinking in quantity.

Better than any other green glass Octoberfest I've had. Worth buying a sixer if you're a fan of EU beer, Octoberfest, or Hoffbrau. I'd buy it again.

That's all for tonight. Look for another post soon including more potential good Octoberfests including Left Hand, Schlafly, Bell's, Sam Adams and more. Plus, I might revisit pumpkin beer with Southern Tier and O'Fallon, and who knows, I may throw some curve balls in there.

The August Blergh.

So, it's still summer.

It's still hot as balls.

I'm still going to talk about refreshing summer beers.

But first, a little bit about the professional life:

There's been a lot of moving and shaking going on. Managers quit/fired. Good employees quit, and steal or file lawsuits in their wake. More and more gets piled on this bear's plate. Mo money? Seriously? You must think that you earn what you make. No, no pay raises, more bullshit. Get threatened by another manager (both professionally and physically), get told "oh, he's just a weird guy."

Needless to say, things are getting restless. And disgruntled.

The latest round of bullshit comes just this weekend. The manager at one of our stores quits after hearing that in spite of his paltry performance, substandard attendance/punctuality, perpetual intoxication, and utter obliviance to customer demands, he was not entitled to a bonus. Huh.
Friday, he apparently told his boss that he didn't want to be scheduled anymore, which wouldn't be a problem if the new schedule, which started on Sunday, was not already made. With him on it. Every day.

Soooo, as I'm out of town, on a river, losing my glasses, drinking a weird cocktail of liquor and wine called "Freedom Punch" similar to jungle juice, getting an amazing tan (ok, terrible, terrible sunburn, who am I kidding), I find out about this. Way to have a worry free vacation. At least I got a sweet tan.

So, I come back, knowing that I have a wonderful week ahead of me.

Oh boy. I had no idea.

Mounds of paperwork. One day a week employees telling me what we should and shouldn't carry/keep in the cooler. Backstock. Good god, the backstock.

The thing that has been the most infuriating is the one day a week employee who thinks that she can manage a store without being there more than a day a week. I mean, she knows what sells, right? I mean, you only have to look at what's there, even though things get stocked several times a day and get delivered to the store 3 times between her shifts, one night a week, right? Ought to work?

IS IT TOO LATE TO GO BACK TO PARTY COVE??????????

I mean, I'm pretty sure I could deal with thousands of assholes telling me that their "old lady is a bitch" and some dumb white trash chick telling me between puffs of cigarettes that "YOU CAN'T DO SHIT TO ME, IM PREGNANT" a lot easier than I can this shit.

But, the important thing- the great communicator- the beer.

Great Divide Dunkel Weiss.

Easy enough, a dark wheat.

But it tastes like fucking cantaloupe. Doesn't seem right. At first, it's off putting, not really bad, but definitely weird.

A DIRTY FUCKING CANTALOUPE.

What the hell guys? I look for something simple, and you've got to have to go and put some funky fruit flavor up front and make people taste things. Jesus christ. Way to make a way over done style INTERESTING.

But seriously. Very tasty. Refreshing. Not heavy. Fruity, dark wheat beer. Juicy mouthfeel. Nom nom et al.

Also (and I know I'm phoning this in) Lindeman's Faro

The best thing about this beer is the mouthfeel. It's seriously like cotton candy. It's big and sweet, then it just disintegrates. It's awesome. I know that doesn't sound awesome, but it is. The flavor is nice and sour/tart, but balanced by belgian candi sugar. That, combined with the mouthfeel adds up to a lambic that could be consumed in excess. However, at 6 bucks for a 330ml bottle, you should probably be taking shots of grain alcohol between bottles so that you don't spend 50 bucks and feel like "GOD DAMNIT I DIDN'T EVEN CATCH A BUZZ BRAH" (sorry, that's me just wringing the last of the river water out of my socks).

Oktoberfests are coming. I'll have a comprehensive review before labor day, since brewers and distributors don't seem to understand that OKTOBERFEST does not happen in August. Let me just say this: My predictions are that the Kaiser is still awesome, Sam Adams will continiue it's decline, there will be a glut of sub par attempts at the style from both America and Germany, and there will be one American brewery that takes the style in a whole new direction. NOT Leinenkugel.

Expect Reviews of Sam's, BLVD, Hoffbrau, Spaten, Paulaner, and more.

Auf Wiedersehen Sommer!

Ich muße ein berlinerweisse getrinken.

So, I need to post more. However, to avoid posting inane bullshit from my life, I refrain from posting. Makes sense, right?

The past month has been a roller coaster of ups and downs both personally and professionally. Good things have come professionally, but along with that some devastating news (have to re take part of the cicerone exam. woo.). I've escaped the most frustrating professional environment I've ever encountered, only to be thrust into the middle of suburban hell. Instead of bums treating me like shit, now millionaires do that. Still feels like shit. However, the owner of my business is seeing more worth in me, but it may be too little too late.

But what people come here to read about is beer, not my professional frustration.

Berliner Weisse. Delicious, almost tangy sour, with citrus and mandarin notes. That was the last beer that I had, and it was amazing. Not mind blowing, but a very nice change of pace. Drying and refreshing at the same time. Highly suggest a modern example such as New Belgium's Lips of Faith Imperial Berliner Weisse.

Sour beer has been a growing trend as of late, and I think that Berliner Weisse is a stand out example of an ancient style that is re-inventing itself. Lactic fermentation is pretty sweet: it's a form of fermentation that produces lactic acid that gives Berliner weisse it's trademark tart/sour taste. Not surprisingly, you also find lactic fermentation in the production of yogurt, sauerkraut, and kimchi, so it's a process that developed and flourished throughout the world.

Other fantastic sour beers include Duchesse de Bourgogne, New Belgium's La Folie and Eric's Ale, Gueuzes such as Lindeman's Cuvee Rene, and Iambics, though the sour characteristics of the latter are generally masked by the addition of some kind of fruit in the secondary fermentation.

The thing is, a lot of these sour beers are actually quite refreshing, albeit a little heavy on a hot day. Definitely a sipping variety, almost like a tart white wine. Serve chilled, keep the bottle on ice, and you've got a very interesting poolside quencher.

These beers are not for everyone, though. Many have a hard time adjusting their palate to the sour fruitiness found in such beers as Duchesse de Bourgogne. For you, I've got another option: Weizen Bock. This style is a little more on the spicy, dark fruit end of the spectrum. Think of it like a Zinfandel or Primativo. Yes, it's a heavier style, and yes, it's going to have around 6-9% ABV, but it's also one of the most interesting ways to wring the most flavor out of a adjunct grain like wheat. Great examples include Wiehenstephaner Vitus, Plank Bavarian Heller Weizenbock, and (in my opinion) the Big Daddy of them all, Schneider & Sohnne Aventinus Weizen Doppelbock. Color can range from a dark straw color to a light brown, and flavors can vary from a malty-sweetness to a bitingly sharp, yet somewhat muted hoppy/bready flavor. This, for the record, is how I think wheat should be used in brewing. This is a style that is demanding of everyones attention. For the uninitiated, my description may seem a little hyperbolic, but once you try this style, you will have a new respect for German brewers, and what they were able to develop under the strict Reinheitsgebot (yes, I realize that only water, barley and hops are allowed by the purity laws, but keep in mind that yeast is not included in those laws, and many brewers of wheat beers claim to abide by them).

In summation; Summer is a great time to try odd styles. From the incredibly avant-garde to the hyperbolicly familiar, try something new.

its a cruel, cruel summer

With memorial day behind us, its time to put on your fresh white kicks, sundresses, swim trunks and go ahead and pop those shirts off. Along with that, its time to put all those stouts, porters, and winter warmers in the cellar and start picking up some thirst quenching porch beers. But just because you aren't waxing poetic about the complexities of the malt profile of the latest gigantic barleywine or doppelbock doesn't mean that you can't drink a beer with flavor. There are plenty of flavorful and complex beers that range from hoppy pale ales to a delicate pear cider. I'll show you some tasty porch pounders (thanks alan).

Let's start with something that most people are familiar with, a Belgian style wit (white, wheat, whatever). Some great examples would be Hoegaarden, New Belgium Mothership Organic Wit, and probably most familiarly, Blue Moon. My personal favorite for a hot, humid day, though, would have to be Unibroue's Blanch de Chambly.

This beer is very light in body, which is a nice change of pace. This is accentuated by the fact that, like many of Unibroue's beers, Blanche is exceedingly efervescent. The sweet/bitter balance of the corriander and bitter orange peel make this complex enough for the most discerning palate, but accessable enough for someone who wouldn't normally venture into the 'scary' realm of belgians.

Next, something familiar, but different. A summer wheat ale. Locally, for me, that means Boulevard Unfiltered Wheat. It comes in a variety of formats, from aluminum 16 oz bottles, to 20 packs of stubby bottles, to full 16 gallon kegs. Let me just stop right here. Almost every city has a local microbrewer that produces a wheat ale or hefeweizen. I am a firm supporter of being a patron of your local brewery, even better if they're locally owned/distributed. I suggest finding a local brewery or brewpub that produces a beer that you like (or love) and give them your support.

However, sometimes a change of pace is needed. For me, that comes in the form of Bell's Oberon. Simple, quenching, and for a lack of better words, just plain good. A very modest hop profile, hints of citrus, and bready goodness abound in this guy, and a 6 pack will go quick on a hot night. Good thing it comes in 5l mini kegs, huh?

Hoppy beer can be overwhelming in the heat, at times. So if you must drink something with a high hop profile, might I suggest a very interesting blend from Southern Tier called Gemini. It is a blend of their IPA, un*earthly, and their extra pale ale, hoppe. Refreshing, complex, and very different from what most people would think of as a summer beer. You probably aren't going to pound these 22oz bottles, but they do make a very nice addition to your summer palate.

Finally, adventure with beers when its hot. Sometimes you'll find something that surprises you. For me, that was sour beer. Lactic and acedic acid don't sound very refreshing, but in beers like New Belgium's Eric's Ale and Duchesse de Bourgogne it can be a mouth puckering, but quenching characteristic.

Have fun, remember to stay hydrated, and enjoy!

So I guess I need to update.

Big thing #1. Took the cicerone exam. It was a beast, to say the least. Tricky questions, worded in odd ways, with a ton of them piled together to make whole sections of the written exam feel like it was out to prove that I don't know shit. Too bad I do know shit, and even the stuff I was shaky on I don't feel too bad. Dortmunder alt got me, though. Then there was the tasting portion. Woof. First they give you 5 examples of the same beer. One is a control, four may or may not be spiked with off flavors. I mean, I guess this test IS supposed to separate experts from amateurs, but fuck, that was brutal. Next, 5 more beers are placed in front of you, and you have to identify the style. This is tough because there are a lot of styles that taste, look, and feel the same. I totally beefed this portion. Fucking hefeweizen/wheatbeer. Finally, 5 more examples are placed in front of you, they tell you the style, brand name, and weather it is from a bottle or a tap and they ask you if it is suitable to serve. I nailed this. In doing so I did have to drink a warsteiner that tasted exactly like a sweaty sock.

Big (possibly huge) thing #2. Rogue ales is hiring. It is all over the west coast, particularly oregon. You do the math.

I don't have a lot of beer blogging to do today, but let me just say this: in preparation for the cicerone exam I drank some beers I normally wouldn't touch. Stella and corona are at the front of that, followed by pilsner urquell. The first two met my expectations for being barely palatable, but pilsner urquell surprised me. I had had it before, but it really drives home the fact that if you are going to drink a pils, drink an actual pilsner, from the czech republic. Yes, blvd makes a fantastic, bready, easy to drink pils, but the P.U. was really crisp and refreshing, with only a moderate skunking due to the slightly darker green glass that is used ( for those of you that read this and DON'T know, blue light rdestroys the hop compounds in beer, giving it that terrible, skunky aroma and flavor. Green glass filters most light EXCEPT for blue light.).

That's it for the moment. Its american craft beer week, drink something american, and not continiuously fermented. My suggestions: blvd, great divide, founders, bells, or rogue. In fact, go get a rouge hazelnut brown or chipotle ale. Both fairly progressive beers, both really tasty.

Tip o that one just got me...

So, since the last post, there's been huge changes in this bear's world!

Big change #1: 1 Job. Mo Money Mo Money. Less hours. Real sleep. As one Jim Fitzner once titled a totally ripping cut: Striking While the Iron is Hot. Check.

Big Change #2: Goes along with big change #1- Real sleep. I don't care that I have to get up and work from 6am to 4pm. I get real sleep. That's a happy dude.

My new position with Royal, for the time, is Beer Purchaser at our Southwest Blvd location, about 3-5 blocks from BLVD brewery, and across the street from one of the best blocks of authentic Mexican food in the city. Once you get past the folks coming down from the Bluffs (housing project on the west side) to complain when our EBT machine is down, and from the lingering bums, this store is a goldmine of potential. I guess I'm getting sent down the mineshaft with a pickaxe to get at all the hoighty toighty folks in downtown condos, art galleries and stumbling away from taylor swift at the sprint center with GOOD beer. When I went in and took my first look at my project, it didn't look bad. Everything faced, everything full. But as I examined closer, there are ridiculous multiple facings of some pretty non multifacing worthy product. Looks like I'm going to have to slash away the QUADRUPLE FACINGS of stella, Becks, MIKE'S HARDER LEMONADE, etc etc, and replace them with single facings.

Step one: Bring in the basics. New Belgium, O'Dell, Sierra NV, and Paulaner.

Step 1.5: Get inventory under control. No more buying 5 cases of things that don't sell, only to order 3 more cases for next week. Get what you need, not what you want. This one is tough sometimes. You get excited and think that everyone will buy this obscure beer that you absolutely love, but it IS a process. 63rd didn't happen overnight. The BLVD store won't either. Stay grounded, burg.

Step 2: Make a presence in the neighborhood and at first Fridays. Get the word out that good shit is to be had at Royal. Make the neighbors love us. Get involved. Make things look GOOD. Plant some flowers or some shit. Make that corner BEAUTIFUL.

Tonight's Beer: A homebrew by yours truly. First batch, with Ian and Phil. Has sat in the bottle almost 3 months. I'll let you know!

Jobless Recovery Beer

So, as promised, The Jobless Recovery beer, Lagunita's WTF:

Sweet, Malty, Big, and Alcoholic. That pretty much sums it up. Easy to drink, even through the decently sized body. Malty. Malty. MALTY!

Yesterday and today at UPS have been sub par. Not necissaraly my performance was sub par, but just the operation as a whole has been sub par. Fairly lowish volume (today was 39.5k, yesterday was 42.5k) made things stressful as far as the number of people working. Late starts put us at a disadvantage. My god damn job was threatened yesterday, and after performing better than anyone else today, I was told that it was "nothing special, quit looking for attention". Nice. Rip on the days that don't go well due to someone else's fuck up, and say that reacting better and preventing similar 'catastrophies' and 'abortions' (both of which were used to describe my reactions to getting 30% of our volume in a 1 hour time span yesterday) was 'acting like a dog that had been beat'.

Perfect day for WTF.

Stress levels are high right now. Both work and home have great things and terrible things going on. I've been offered a higher paying position at Royal, but the simple fact that benefits aren't included is keeping me from taking it. $276 a month. For a policy that is basically there in case of something catostrophic, such as cancer, loss of limb, spinal injury, etc etc. Good deal. Why even bother with that, because IF one of those things were to happen, I'd probably peace out anyway. My son is doing new and awesome things each day, but there are other factors at home making things really dificult. Sleep is a premium thing that I can't get enough of, and unfortunately, it's being disrupted, a lot. I basicaly have a total of 8 hours that I'm not at, or commuting to and from work, and that's split about 60/40. Needless to say each instant of not being awake is crucial, and that's being compromised lately. A lot. So yea, feelin good.

But I'm keeping a fairly positive outlook. There's light at the end of the tunnel now, albeit a little pinprick in a vast sheet of black. But that's better than groping around in the dark like I have been for the past year and a half, almost 2 years now.

Friends are saying some stuff, family is saying some stuff, work is saying some stuff, but no one is DOING ANYTHING. Shit or get off the pot folks, you're wasting my time. This perpetual limbo is seriously cramping my style.

Guuuuh...

So, over the past couple of months, I've been feeling my self let my body slip. It's part not 'working' at UPS, part 'working' at royal part delicious things part no time to exercise. So I'm changing that. Signing up for Scott Fitness on the 12th, gettin fine from here on out. Eating better, too. Not a lot I can do about the beers, as it's part of the job.

My Cicerone exam is May 11. I am NOT ready for this guy, well, not as ready as I'd like to be. Need to get on that.

Aaaaand the two of those come together for this part of the post: We got this little off brand Belgian Style White from Weston, MO called Cathedral Square. First off, Weston gives me misgivings already as the home of McCormick, Weston Brewing Co, and Snow Creek. This one (sort of) redeems Weston. It's wheaty, for sure, but almost to a bready level. Not over the top on Correander or spices, but man, It's just a little off. Not bad, but definitely does not hit the spot for me. Some may love it, but it's just a little heavy handed for a Belgian White. I likes my whites light, crisp, and evenly spiced, and this is none of those things. 5/10. Pretty refreshing, though.

Next up: Lagunita's WTF. Jobless Recovery Beer. Let's see how this goes...

Feels Good, Man.

So, looks like someone's gonna be a stay at home dad soon. Well, sort of.

Things have been on an upswing lately. UPS has de-stressed a bit, though it's still completely frustrating. Royal, well, it's Royal. My baby (the single craft beers, of which the crafty-est was previously dead guy, or maybe one or two avery beers) has taken on a manifest destinyesque personality. Kickin Hieneken to the curb, hatin on Stella. I've taken over an entire cooler door (which is 50% of our cold singles selection) with beers from Colorado, Oregon, Belgium, Spain, Russia, Germany (brown glass only, pls), New York and California. Feels good to see something you've fostered as your own flourish and take off. I also made room for a bout 30-40 more singles on the shelves. Not bad.

I'm starting to work out and eat better. I let myself slip, hard, over the winter and last fall, and now when I look at myself I'm pretty disgusted. I was SO close to having what I want, and pissed it away with shitty food, too much good beer, and no exercise. Look out. I'mma make all the ladies want to fuck me [/self delusion]. Point is, I'm looking for change. I'm tired of sitting around. I'm tired of never doing anything. I'm tired of looking and feeling like utter trash. So, if you have a vagina, look out, because in the coming months, things are gonna get slick. (really?)

Fran's babyshower was yesterday. Pretty good stuff. Still need to get that shower present over to the Fitzner abode, but I think they will understand.

This week is going to be gorgeous. Wed. is supposed to be 85 and sunny, albeit windy. Who wants to get down on some outsidey stuff? Oh wait, there are MAYBE two people who read this. Offer still stands, though.

Beer of the post: Avery 16th anniversary saison. Jasimine, Honey, Summer.

Apparently I Burn the Bridges I'm Standing On.

So for the past couple of months, I've had a recurring dream. Maybe dream isn't the right word- more like the most vivid and terrifying nightmare ever. See, it starts out kind of awesome, with me buying this super fast boat. Like, 6400 miles in 24 hours boat. I own it for one day, and realize that it's totally fucking up my life. So, I sell it back, but it's too late. The bad shit that came with the boat apparently has no return policy. This bad energy er whatever takes the form of a noxious black cloud. Not sentient like the smoke monster or anything, but it deffinitely follows me around, making me do terrible things. Things that I absolutely do not want to do or see or think about. So I jump in the water to escape the cloud, which works. All the fish (sharks in particular) are saying "thank you" in childlike voices, swimming around me, being awesome. So I stay underwater, in this lush, gorgeous world, but one problem, I'm drowning. Like, hard. But I stay under because of the fucking cloud. Eventually, I have to come up for air, and in doing so, breathe the noxious cloud in REALLY deeply, and the process starts all over again. Unfortunately, while this is happening, and it is SO vivid, I know that it's something I can change. I know that I CAN wake up, but I can't, in reality. I'm trapped in this cycle of killing myself to be good, or dying inside to live. Eventually, I wake up, breathing like I'm drowning (or get woken up) and covered in sweat. Then sleeping is impossible.

Today was the first time I've slept without that dream. Sounds great, right? Well, kind of.

Today's dream was also pretty vivid, and oddly enough, involved swimming, also, but in a much less apparently sinister context. Also, it's a comedy of errors, and stars a few people from my life (something missing from the nightmare)

I'm not certain how I get there, but I'm swimming accross the Hudson Bay. Yep, that Hudson Bay. And it's FILLED with mines. The really spikey, scary, blow a ship out of the water kind. And it's really really hard to navigate because, well, it's the fucking hudson bay. So I get across, have to go back, and when I get back I'm at work. It's a non descript, UPS hybrid work, and of course, somehow I've started a fire. Not a big one, just enough to get some attention. So I look for a fire extinguisher, which is suspiciously hard to find, and of course, every single one is out. Finally, I get the fire out, and Matt (of royal fame) and Erin (of Erin fame) show up. More fucked up non descript problems, and I'm back in the bay. Navigating. This goes on for what seems eternity, and finally I'm out again. It gets pretty fuzzy from here on out, but trust me, it's a comedy of errors. I think it involves a couple more fires, in appropriate conversations, and me ending up in this place called "Node Land", which the only way I can liken it to anything is to say it's like "the matrix" for emotions. They even have one that simulates your emotions durring the apocolypse. Needless to say I end up in the "SMILE" node, and it really is bliss. However, the woman I meet there leaves. I chose not to. There's a tearful goodbye, promises to return that I know are false, and ends up with me in the "distress" node.

Then I awake. Sad as fuck.

A stout darker than your worst nightmares...

I wrote my first beer recipe yesterday. I went with the dogma of "go big, or go home".

Big is somewhat of an understatement.

After some prompting from Phil, we decided that an Imperial Stout was the way to go for our first all grain recipe. Ok, well, what's my biggest problem with stouts? Often, at least to me, they're boring. I mean, there are exceptions, but let's face it, most stouts stick to the basic architecture of not much of a malt profile, little or boring hop schedules, and greatly lacking in complexity. Well, that just would not do for me. I was going big, remember.

So here's the basic stats, and I'll include a link to the recipe if anyone has the stones to take the time for this one.

Original gravity: 1.133
Planned terminal gravity: 1.033
IBU's: 74
ABV: 13.3% (+)
SRM: 101° (!!!!!!)

The whole story here

314 days from striking water to popping the top on one of these beasts. I included a tertiary fermentation that includes 7 days of dryhopping. Champagne yeast in the secondary, spices and misc semi-fermentables in the primary and secondary. 180 days in the secondary, 30 in the tertiary, and 60 in the bottle.

So needless to say, this isn't a quick brew. Think Xmas 2010. Or 2011.

The problem I've run into though is the high price of whole leaf hops. Again, with the going big idea, whole leaf hops were the only way to go. Well, that drives the price of a 22oz bottle up towards the $10 cost mark. That's a lot. We need investors/people to buy these bottles, or we could just end up with a nice private reserve of some ridiculous stout.

I'm kind of hoping for the last option.

Cheers!

This blog is a failure.

Seriously.

Actually I hope not. This bear has had a rough week so far and updating a new blog is at the bottom of the priority pile.

However there are some semi nice spots to hilight. Grinders hosted a pairing of Goose Island beers with small dishes such as onion soup, an almond smoked drummie, and a pork choplette with apple compote and ccranberry sauce. So, free beer and food, but I have some beef with this event. First, with names like "choplette". (Really a pork medalion) and "drummie" (the small part of a chicken wing) I knew I wasn't going to walk away full. But come on. Second, I already have some issues with Goose Island (gripe #1: it's terrible). So I looked at this as a chance for redemption. Needless to say, despite the coked out presenter's constant Boulevard-dick-sucking diotribes that seemed somewhat misinformed, they failed.

So we move on. Get some irish ale and a long strange trippel and put GI to bed.

And tonight, late for the party, I finally gave Bigfoot a try. So far, not terrible. I'd assumed that some effort would go into a barleywine style, but I'm mixed on Sierra Nevada. This one seems a winner.

So I'm closing the store alone tonight. Just got complimented on my suggestion for one of my customers, have 45 minutes to kill and am ready for bed.

Beer of the day: Fraoch heather ale. Light, sweet and something very different from what you've had. Worth the 11 bucks for a 4 pack.

An Introduction

The first post.

What an intimidating prospect. Somehow I'm supposed to introduce myself, give some sort of purpose to this little plot of internet realestate, and get folks to read my "professional" opinions.

Lets get right down to it then. My name is Larry, and I make, sell, drink, enjoy, recommend, talk shit and appreciate beer, wine, and to a lesser extent, spirits. I do so from a location that when I tell people where I'm at they ask things like "Do you ever get scared?" "Do you sell anything other than colt 45 and MD 20/20". I see through these questions to see the real question that is being asked. If you don't, well, that's probably a good thing. Just to be clear, yes, I've been nervous at my job, but those times are few and VERY far between, and no, we don't sell 20/20. Mostly, I see normal people, drinking normal BWS. The guys from the auto shops on Troost, classy Brookside moms buying bottles of Tisdale Chardonay, my buddy from 61st and park coming in for his Ruskova and Bacardi shots, and of course UMKC and Rockhurst students coming in for *shudder* "30 stones brah".

But the customers that I relish in are of a very specific type. No, it's not just "they buy expensive/good items" (though, I do appreciate those customers). It's customers with an exploratory spirit. They come in with a general outline of what they might like, but are still open to having something jump out at them. For example: I have a customer that comes in for Bud light 30 packs, fifths of Captain, and Parliment lights. He's in 1-2 times a week. He knows what he wants, and usually gets just that. But earlier this week he was looking for Boulevard Wheat. Unfortunately, we only had 12 packs and 20 packs because, well, we sold all of our 6 packs. So he asked what he should get instead. This is crucial. He was willing to get out of his comfort zone for a night. He took home a 6er of Boulevard Irish Ale (ok, so, not that far out of his comfort zone....) and came back the next day and asked what he should try next. This dude is not a beer snob, but he took home a 6 pack of Bell's Two hearted. Loved it (duh). Now he buys craft beer more often than his case/fifth usual. Still gets the P-funks, though. Some things are tougher to change...

But I digress...

The whole point of this thing is to give a glimpse into the world of my life from 4pm-11pm daily. Could be kind of boring, could be hilarious, and in some cases downright sad. I mean, I plan on putting a rating and hopefully a taste profile of 1 beer or wine a couple of days a week, give updates on the brews I have cooking in my son's bedroom, and of course all the glitz and glamor associated with the retail liquor business. Wait for it.

So the first post. Somewhat rambling, not terribly long, and not informative at all.

Success.

Oh, Beer of the day: Founder's Breakfast Stout. If you like coffee, you'll love this stout. If you like stouts, you'll LOVE this guy. It's HUGE. It's BLACK. It's BREAKFAST.